CLAYTON (Single Dads Club Book 3) Read online

  It was comforting to me to know I wasn't the only one still awake. Westley took off his Air Pods and began playing Beethoven's Eroica Symphony No. 3 from his phone.

  "What are you doing?" I asked, sitting down on the bean bag chair next to him.

  He opened a small bag next to him and handed me a plastic bag filled with what looked like weed. It contained nothing more than a gram or two and some rolling papers.

  "It's just tobacco," he told me as I looked at it, "I had some just now to relax."

  "I'm just a bit surprised that you smoke," I said. "Being a surgeon and all."

  "I smoked more throughout med school and my residencies. It helps me unwind, and I like thinking about things while smoking. I picked up the habit to roll my own cigarettes when I was abroad in Europe."

  "I just always preach to my son not to smoke anything because I don't want him getting into it at such a young age. I know he smokes weed occasionally. Sometimes he'd come home stoned and drunk after a night out with friends, and I'd pretend like I didn't notice."

  "Do you want to smoke one with me?" Westley asked.

  "Yes," I said, wanting to do something I didn't usually do, but I was also curious about Westley and wanted to spend some more time with him at an hour where everyone was sleeping.

  "What's the hardest part about your job?" I asked.

  "Trying to remain sane," he mumbled.

  "Really?" I asked.

  "Well, I sleep three times a week if I'm lucky. Sleep deprivation really makes you go a little crazy sometimes. I've done it for a long time, but I feel like I still have some things I need to work on to be the best surgeon I can be to my patients."

  There was such an aura of mystery that surrounded him, and I felt a small tingling sensation throughout my body that made me want to be close to him.

  Westley rolled a perfect cigarette, and it was fascinating to see how good he was with his hands. The joint was rolled with surgeon-like precision.

  We put on our jackets and stepped outside onto the balcony.

  He sparked the cigarette and took a drag, then handed it to me. I took a long drag from it and inhaled deeply until I was satisfied. I coughed, not used to the smoke filling my lungs.

  "Tell me a bit more about your late husband," Westley said.

  "He was a very good-hearted man and a truly passionate individual. He was a really, really intelligent person. He was book-smart and I'm street-smart, so we balanced each other well."

  "Did you guys always want to be parents?"

  "Very soon after I met him, I realized I wanted to have children with him. I just really wanted to have a family which is difficult being in a relationship with a man. But as we moved further along in our careers, we had the resources to do so," I paused and looked toward Westley. "Do you ever want kids?"

  "My focus now is on work. Having a family, if things fall into place, is still undecided. I try not to think too far into the future."

  When we're talking about this topic, it was clear Westley cherished his autonomy and left his life open-ended, like a movie without an ending. I respected that.

  "I think you already have that, no? You seem to have a good relationship with your brother, and from what you told me earlier, you're close to your parents."

  "I guess," Westley said. "But it's human nature to always want more. To always want things to be better." Westley leaned against the railing of the balcony to face me. "Did you always have a happy marriage?"

  "Not at all," I said. "Though thinking back, all our fights were ridiculous now that he's not here anymore."

  "Ryan and I got into a big argument at home one evening when I returned. He had made dinner. Brayden wasn't home as he had hockey practice. Ryan said I was not paying enough attention to him. I'd just started a new business venture, and was away a lot. I said a lot of things I regretted. I didn't think I was trying to be mean, it was just that he caught me off guard. I was tired after a long flight, and that evening, I ended up leaving to go to sleep in a hotel room. I felt like during most of our marriage, I didn't quite understand him as much as I would've liked. I still feel guilty about it when I think about it sometimes."

  "What do you remember about that night in the hotel?"

  "I remember I was close to tears for the first time in my life. I remember thinking that was the end of our marriage. I remember how hard it was to get things back to the way they were until he got really sick."

  "Did you guys ever talk about getting a divorce?"

  "Yes. I think we did. I remember we talked about it and decided we didn't want to lose everything we'd built together."

  "Were you still in love with him when he was sick?"

  "Near the end of Ryan's life, we were very much in love, because we had been together for ten years. In our years together, we'd had different jobs, many wonderful friends, a child, a family, houses we'd bought together, and even nice cars. By all accounts, together, we were almost like one person, and we changed so much over the years. When my mother was still around and when I was growing into my sexuality and becoming the man I wanted to be, she always said Ryan changed me for the better. He made me a more patient man, less impulsive. It's true. Ryan always held me accountable to do the right thing." I started wondering why Westley was so interested in my past. "Don't you want someone in your life like that?"

  "No," he said in a matter of fact way.

  I looked into his eyes for a moment for him to continue, but he didn't.

  I tried again, to get something more out of him. "As a human being, don't you want that connection with someone who you can turn to at times when you are struggling?"

  "Not really," he said.

  "Who do you have in your support system?"

  He turned to face the lake like he was closing himself off to me. "My family, my co-workers. I have a good network of people I can turn to if I ever need to, yes. But, I don't ever feel like I need to turn to anyone."

  "So... are you afraid of dying alone?"

  "Fear of dying alone? No. I don't think about dying in general. I guess it's my defense mechanism to not think about my own death since I see it so much in my job."

  "How do you cope with that?" I asked. "Seeing people die all the time."

  "The same way we cope with everything else. With distractions."

  "You do seem a bit lonely to me," I said.

  "I don't think so," he said without another word.

  We didn't say anything else for about a minute and just took in the sounds of nature around us.

  "I have to admit something to you," Westley said, seemingly out of the blue.

  "What is it?"

  "I'm curious about you."

  I furrowed my brow. "What about?"

  "I'm not sure," he said. "But I feel oddly drawn to you. I might be sounding a bit crazy right now."

  I felt my heart beating a little faster. "It doesn't sound crazy to me."

  At that moment, Westley made me feel things I hadn't felt in a long time, and it took every molecule in my being to not lean in and kiss him.

  I took a deep breath and waited for the urge to subside, but it didn't. I leaned in to kiss him, and he pulled away, with a slight smile on his face.

  I exhaled and pulled back too.

  "What's wrong with me?" I asked, which made him laugh.

  "Sorry, I don't think--I don't want to complicate things," he said.

  "Fuck, my bad. I... couldn't help myself. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

  Westley put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. "I don't feel uncomfortable around you. It's quite the opposite actually."

  I realized I still had my hand on his side, I quickly removed my hand. I hadn't kissed someone in so long, but now that I was in the position where I was about to, I had a hard time resisting. I wanted to so badly.

  My feelings cooled a little. I realized it was inappropriate to kiss someone I'd just met, but I had a feeling that he was at least a little curious too.

&nbs
p; I felt embarrassed that I'd never kissed anyone after my husband passed.

  "I'm being exactly the kind of guy I used to be," I said. "Impulsive."

  "Just makes you a human being," Westley said coolly. "You know I'm not interested in men though."

  "I know."

  Despite the rejection, I still couldn't stop thinking about kissing his lips.

  "You're a really handsome man," I said. "Forgive me for being interested in you."

  He smiled, and then let out a quiet laugh. "I forgive you."

  His lips looked really soft and I looked into his eyes again. He looked comfortable, and even maybe a bit flattered.

  I imagined putting my hand on his cheek and kissing it softly. In my mind, I pictured his nose against mine. In my mind, I kissed him deeply and our tongues brushed together. He would make a sound of pleasure and I would smile. If only, if only.

  Westley looked down from the balcony. "Do you want to go to the hot tub instead?"

  "That sounds nice actually," I said.

  "All right," he said and grabbed the key when we walked back into the house.

  I went into the master bedroom, and stripped out of my clothes, leaving my briefs on. I didn't want to turn on the lights to look for my swim trunks because Brayden was in a deep sleep. I put my jacket back on, and nothing else.

  When I returned to the family room, Westley was turned away from me. He was taking off his pants and I saw his beautiful ass for the first time. It was plump and smooth with fine blond hair on his cheeks. I got hard almost instantly. Maybe I should've worn something more than just briefs.

  He turned and stared hard at me and I saw red. I had to get out of there, yet he didn't seem to care that I saw him naked. I looked at my phone and tried to distract myself and I waited downstairs for him to finish changing.

  When he came down moments later, I saw him standing there with just his briefs on too, but no jacket. I didn't want to be weird and ask him if he was cold and when he opened the door, I couldn't stop looking at the handsome man in front of me.

  He smiled and then said, "Are we going to go out, or are we just going to stand here?"

  My cock throbbed a little, and I gulped. "Yeah... let's go," I said.

  He smiled.

  We went outside and Westley helped me take off the hot tub cover. I'd turned it on earlier that day, so the water was already hot. We climbed in. It was a no-contact thing, of course, but still, I couldn't help but feel a tad bit stressed in a little thing like that with such a handsome man next to me.

  "I have a hot tub at home, and it feels much better to be naked," Westley said. "I love relaxing in it after a long day at the hospital."

  I smiled. "I like being naked in the hot tub too, but I only ever do it if I'm alone."

  "Yeah," he said. "You feel so good all-around when you're naked in here. You just feel so smooth and relaxed. Sometimes, my brother Shawn jokes about coming over unexpectedly and I'd always be in my hot tub."

  "Have you ever been naked in a hot tub while not alone?"

  "A lot of my guy friends from college were athletes so they're very proud of their bodies, and they enjoy being naked in my hot tub too. When it's a bunch of guys who are comfortable with their sexuality, there's no judgment and everyone can just relax and be free."

  The snowfall picked up again and it was getting cold, so we went back inside.

  "Fuck it's cold," Westley said as soon as we got inside the cottage.

  He hugged me near the front door of the master bedroom with no words exchanged. Just our wet bodies pressed against each other. I knew he was trying to warm up, but the simple hug confused the hell out of me.

  I could feel his bulge against the side of my leg, and my bulge against his leg. I definitely noticed, but I wondered if he did. He said he wasn't interested, but the way he was holding me made me wonder if he was leading me on.

  "I'm going to go sleep," Westley said. "I'm exhausted."

  "Me too," I quickly said. "Let's go upstairs."

  I went back into my room and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Brayden who was snoring and had taken over most of the bed.

  Despite Westley rejecting me, I still couldn't stop thinking about kissing him. He was handsome and he had such lovely eyes. I couldn't believe that I actually wanted to be intimate with someone. It'd been a long time. If I told my best friend, Austin, he'd probably be surprised too.

  I was getting really sleepy, exhausted after such a long day. After drying myself off, I put on a new pair of briefs and sweatpants. I lay down and fell asleep almost instantly.

  5

  Westley

  I was sleeping on the couch in the family room upstairs. When I woke up, I saw Brayden walk out of the master bedroom, shirtless with a towel draped over his shoulder. He headed into the washroom to take a shower.

  I was still thinking a lot about last night, and how I'd almost kissed another man for the first time. I was curious, very curious, and being in a place so far away from home, it gave me the courage to do something I wouldn't normally do.

  I walked quietly to the master bedroom, standing in front of the door for a few seconds. I took a deep breath, then opened it.

  Clayton was reading a book on his bed, and he seemed a bit surprised to see me.

  I went up to him and I kissed him. The stubble on his face scratched mine. I'd never kissed a man before, and it was... I didn't know what it was. My lips opened and his tongue went inside my mouth. It felt strange to be kissed by a man. Like I was young and it was my first kiss all over again.

  "This is unexpected," Clayton said. "But I'm not going to ask any questions.

  He kissed me and groaned, putting his hands against me, I felt a little more comfortable. I tried to relax into the situation.

  It was all right.

  I started enjoying the kiss. I could get used to it, I trusted Clayton.

  I knew I'd fallen a little for how charming he was toward me. He took my hand and brought it toward his chest. I felt how fast his heart was beating. He gave me a look, a primal look that made me feel like I was his prey. I could barely believe what was happening. I couldn't believe that there was a man beckoning me with his gaze, looking at me like that.

  "Come closer to me," he said, and gestured with his finger. I couldn't ignore the smell of precome coming from his cock. It was a bittersweet smell, that I didn't seem to mind at all. I could see it'd stained his light grey sweatpants. I was hard too, harder than I'd ever been with any woman previously.

  He pulled me onto the bed on top of him. His hands felt rough and big. I felt him brush his lips against mine like a paintbrush, and his hand moved down to my ass. It felt good to be touched there with such big hands.

  I didn't want to have to explain to my brother later what I did, because I never expected this to happen... ever. When Shawn told me not to embarrass him in front of Liam's friends, I doubt he thought I'd embarrass him by kissing the host of the cottage trip.

  Clayton kissed me hard, but at the same time, he felt so gentle and warm. I squeezed his pecs, impressed by how firm they were. He put his hand on my lower back, pulling me closer to him. I couldn't believe I was kissing him so intensely.

  I pulled away to look at him and smiled. We were like teenagers who couldn't control ourselves.

  He didn't seem to know whether to look in my eyes or down my body. I was hard, and so was he. My dick throbbed as his hands traced my skin, and he rubbed at my nipples. I was surprised by just how sensitive my nipples were.

  I could feel our attraction to each other and that he loved my body. He was almost a little uncomfortable, looking at the bedroom door occasionally, and I realized it was because his son could walk in on us at any moment.

  But that didn't stop us.

  Lying in bed with Clayton reminded me that I had been kissed by a man before. It was when I was in college, aged nineteen. After a party, a good friend approached me and put his arm around my shoulders. He kissed me lightly on the lips
and left. We were drunk and never talked about it afterward.

  Clayton brushed his nose against mine, and he touched my sides and started to kiss me again on the lips. I felt so good from that touch.

  I couldn't ignore the smell of precome coming from his cock. It was a bittersweet smell, that I didn't seem to mind at all. I could see it'd stained his light grey sweatpants. I was hard too, harder than I'd ever been with any woman previously.

  My eyes went wide as he reached to untie his sweatpants, but he stopped when we heard the water in the shower turn off.

  6

  Clayton

  Westley was confusing. He told me he wasn't gay, so why was he kissing me?

  I could tell Westley was nervous when I was kissing him. His handsome smile made my heart heavy-I was nervous too, nervous that if I went too far, he might never want to do it again.

  I was lusting for Westley, and could practically hear my heart beating in my chest. I felt my soul being awakened by this mysterious surgeon. He reminded me of what it felt like to be in the initial stages of liking someone. It was a feeling I hadn't felt since my husband Ryan. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do more than kiss Westley. Even if I wanted to, I didn't know if he would. I was in love with Westley's body and how firm and tight he was.

  Westley said he was interested in women, but he never really mentioned if he was exclusively.

  When we heard the shower turn off, Westley moved away from me and sat on the edge of the bed, but didn't leave the room.

  Before Ryan passed, my husband told me he wouldn't hold a grudge if I moved on. He laughed about how he wouldn't be able to hold a grudge anyway when he was gone. I remembered being in the hospital while he was telling me this, and I was trying to hold back tears.

  I glanced into Westley's eyes. He was smiling, in a nervous and incredibly handsome sort of way. I guessed he enjoyed the kiss and he'd changed his mind after rejecting my advances last night.

  "What did you think of that?" I asked.

  Westley turned to me. "Of what? The kiss?"

  I nodded.